What Brooks Laich’s Sexuality Expedition Means for the Black Men Who Aren’t Given the Same Safe Space
On his “How Men Think” podcast in January 2020, 36 year old Brooks Laich retired hockey player and husband of Dancing With The Stars’ Julienne Hough, talked about how he is “prioritizing pleasure” in 2020 and wants to dive deep into his sexuality.
Laich described how he’s “not 100 percent sure” he’s fully expressed his sexuality yet and poses some questions to people who may be facing the same plight,
“Here's a question," Laich continued. "This is an honest question for everybody in this room, and every single person listening: Are you fully 100 percent fully expressed in your true sexuality? With your partner? With everything? You could not imagine having a better sex life? Are you truly there? I'm not either. So that's what one of my goals this year is to really dive into. So then we're all essentially, that's a state of suffering.”
He laments on being excited to embark on the journey of better performance and finding out who he is/how he expresses himself sexually. This reveal comes on the heels of Hough opening up in 2019 to Laich that she, too was not straight and more sexually fluid.
This revelation from Laich via media and a post on his personal Instagram was met with reverie, congratulations and virtual “atta boy” pats on the back. It’s quite interesting because Black men’s discovery of sexuality has been met with the exact opposite- vitriol, harmful stereotypes, slander, miseducation and fake cries of “the Black man being emasculated” (by the way, most men don’t actually know what this means but throw the buzzword around to sound educated-I truly hate to see it).
On a Season 1 episode of the popular Black HBO lifestyle sitcom Insecure by producer, content creator and actress Issa Rae, a character on the show, Molly )played by wig snatching actress Yvonne Orji), learned that the man she was seeing had a sexual experience with another man.
Of course she asked her girls for advice and got a couple of mixed answers-two a typical response and the other one (Issa) an answer that challenged her thinking and raised an important question.
Typical response: “He’s gay, you need to stop dating him” (obviously coming from a hater and a woman who doesn’t understand that sexuality and gender are on a spectrum).
Intellectual/challenging response: Why can’t Black men explore their sexuality without being labeled gay, bi or whatever?”
Bingo, that’s the tweet. Whereas White men (examples: Brooks and Cristiona Ronaldo) and even Black women are given free passes into exploring their sexuality with little to no recourse, black men are unable to do so or even express non-traditional forms of masculinity without being shunned (example: Odell Beckham), because a large part of the Black community see them as a plain, supposedly very hypermasculine and hetero force of nature-in other words, that’s not allowed.
That very sentiment within itself - “I want my man to be an MAN,” is not only homophobic, but also upholds the idea of toxic and fragile masculinity. Society has pushed heteronormativity so wide and vast especially onto black men that stems from slavery that Black men are constantly plagues into a mold, so they have to hide their inhibitions and find themselves in secrecy.
It’s corny, tired and disrespectful.
Twitter, Instagram and these fake “leaders of the new school” aka these extra-overzealous rappers who misuse big words, get a podcast and all of a sudden are deemed proprietors of the culture have folks thinking that everything a man does that’s not inherently masculine is gay. Properly washing your penis and buttocks is gay. Enjoying face masks and skincare is gay. Being well groomed is gay. Telling another Black man you love them is (sometimes) gay.
In case you didn’t know, the ONLY time a man can be gay or bisexual or pansexual is if he’s attracted to the same sex. Other than that, no activity that ya’ll constitute as gay is. Also, stop bi-erasure! A man is not confused if he’s bi-sexual, he simply likes men and women for reasons that are none of your business.
It’s sad how Black men like Carlton Morton from the popular Netflix original series Love is Blind get treated when they disclose their sexuality and want to live in their truth. I’m sorry that a lot of men we re raised to think that masculinity comes in one specific box and flavor but it does not-it is vast and fluid like water.
A lot of cishet folks always want to push this fake gay agenda, feminizing Black men and emasculating Black men to cover their own interest in Black sexuality and LGBTQIA bigotry. They have to continue to be called out and challenged on their hatred in order to change this status quo.
The films Moonlight and shows like Atlanta on FX are excellent examples of content that are part of an exciting wave to flip what masculinity traditionally means and educate on what masculinity can be-free and joyous, not rigid. Sexuality is a construct- gender and sexuality are 2 different things.
We know that Black sexuality is a national terror. It’s sad but true. But don’t let the facade of social media and these culture-vulture stealing translucent folks tell you what you should or shouldn’t be as a Black man-you’re layered, complex and rich and we as society need and love you in all forms. Remember, it costs $0.00 to mind the business that pays you.